Does a family member or friend hoard? What is hoarding? These are questions where there is no easy answer. Let’s start with the basics, defining, what is hoarding.
Hoarding to all intents and purposes is when a person has difficulty throwing something away, they believe in the future they might need it. Let me give you an example.
Several years ago, I went to a loved ones house who for all intent and purpose a hoarder. This person wanted help in throwing things away. This loved one had stacks of sales receipts. We’ll call this person Jackie. I grabbed a garbage bag and after going through the receipts to see if there were any warranty information, I threw away the not needed receipts.
At the time I didn’t understand hoarding and was shocked when the receipts we taken from me and she said she might need them. I told her that some of these were fifteen years old and if there had been a warranty it was long expired. Jackie had a death grip on the receipts and wouldn’t let go until I promised to leave them alone. So I grabbed a folder and said let’s put them in here and you can store them in your desk, she agreed to this plan. Afterwards, we proceeded to clearing off her exercise bike that had clothes thrown over the top. We did get that cleared off and moved on to empty boxes she had from deliveries. There were literally sixty boxes that were empty sitting in her house. I grabbed a box cutter and was going to make the boxes manageable by folding them up. I was stopped and told that she might need to ship something back. So, we opted to put smaller boxes in larger ones just so we had more room to maneuver around in her home.
As we’ve all seen on television, hoarding creates a confined living area, because you end up with pathways in the house due to an excessive number of items collected in the house. These are not collections such as baseball cards or rare types of dolls or comics. The excessive collections are of things purchased or given and even though they have no value to anybody else, to that person they might need it one day. An example of this is my story earlier, receipts from years ago.
In the beginning the person sees the mess and tries to control it. As time progresses this ability to see the mess goes away and they no longer see or care that their living space has shrunk and junk increases and overtakes their environment.
What are the symptoms of this disorder. According to Mayo Clinic website, hoarding is truly a medical condition, it is a disease that many people succumb to and don’t even realize that they have.
The first symptom is getting and keeping too many items that you may not have room for or may think you might need years from now.
The second symptom of hoarding is an ongoing problem of throwing things away regardless of their value.
Third, is a feeling of need to save these items and becoming upset at even the thought of discarding them.
We’ve all felt that way about some things, I know I have. My daughter tells me I hoard books. I have to admit that I do. Even books that are torn and ragged I cannot throw away. Eventually, I do and purchase a new one to take it’s place. Which leads us to the fourth symptom.
Symptom four is building up clutter to the point we can’t move around in a room freely. I always think of a room where there are only pathways to walk and the paths are over our heads. I saw that in a TV show once and the image has stayed with me ever since.
The fifth symptom is to me a surprising one, yet when I think of my loved one, I shouldn’t be surprised. It is trying to be perfect and avoiding making any decisions.
The sixth and last symptom Mayo Clinic describes in its website is having problems planning and organizing oneself. I would have to say this is a symptom which manifests in the organization of the clutter and of one’s time.
How can we help someone with this disease?
I know I want to just go in there and clean it all out then ask for forgiveness. According to, Filling the Jars, in their article, “Beginner Strategies For How To Help A Hoarder Clean their House,” I would be doing something that made me feel better, but not my loved one. So what is the right way to help?
The first thing we need to do is set aside our judgements. If you’ve heard the term, don’t judge someone, I can’t think of a better time than this. The person is already going through a tough time mentally, we don’t want to make it worse.
The next and to me the hardest is not to take over, the hoarder is the one that needs to take responsibility and lead the work in clearing and cleaning up their home.
Remember, this is their home so we must always communicate what we are doing while helping our family member or friend as they take the initiative to clean and declutter. Communication is so important to everyone, this way everyone knows what everyone is doing and we will not break the trust that we are trying to develop and keep.
Finally, we have to manage our expectations on what can be accomplished through work and the mental set of the hoarder. We can’t go into the home and say it’s going to take me a half hour to come into the kitchen and make it sparkle. I always try to remind myself it took them years to get to this point and the desire to clear and clean is more ours than theirs. So set your expectations and decide maybe we’ll work ten minutes on clearing off a countertop, then we’ll take a break. We have to move at the pace the hoarder is comfortable with.
With all that time spent trying to help someone, what if it doesn’t go anywhere. Remember Jackie in the beginning of this? When I went back to her home after a day of clearing and cleaning, I found everything we had accomplished the day before and thrown into the garbage can, back in her house. It was not only frustrating but I felt it could hurt our relationship because of that frustration.
I talked with my hoarder loved one and together we made the decision she wasn’t ready to clear and clean yet. Years later she has decided to get counseling and starting on the road to recovery. Her home is becoming a liability to her health because of fall risks. Soon, we will make it a safer environment for her to live.
Have you guessed where I am going to go when the time comes to clean and clear? Yes, it will be ServiceMaster Restoration Services. Jeremy and his crew have the know how to help declutter and clean in a professional, caring way. When that time comes in your life, I hope you make the same choice.
